A talk I had with an Austrian couple was one of the most memorable moments of my six-month journey around Western Europe. The lady of the duo inquired, “How long have you been together?” after only a few minutes of meeting in an Irish pub “So, is dating a Hollywood construct? Is it true that Americans go on… dates? What exactly is a ‘date?'”
What struck me the most was that many languages lack a name for what we call “dating” in North America, and that few cultures around the world actually “date.”
So, what does dating entail? And how do other people get to know each other before making a commitment, having casual sex, or doing something else? These were the most important problems that my friends at home had, so I set out to find solutions.
To begin, I needed to think of a way to express what I do for a living. I call myself a dating columnist in North America. It’s simple; almost everyone understands what it implies, and if they’re still unsure, I tell them, “Do you remember Carrie from Sex in the City? I’m similar to her, but she worked for the Post and I worked for the New York Times.” People nod and then ask me their most pressing dating questions.
A dating columnist, on the other hand, does not exist in France. Despite the fact that I’ve been a semi-fluent French speaker since my youth, most French, Belgian, and Swiss people I encountered were bewildered when I tried to explain what I performed. “On sort ensemble” (loosely translated: “we go out together”) is something you’d say in Quebec, but no one said anything similar in France. “I give dating advice to couples,” worked for a while, but most people didn’t comprehend how or why I had a career. This perplexed me because I receive thousands of emails each week from people asking how to persuade a guy to contact them back, whether a woman is interested, or whether they should split up. I’m rarely able to keep up.
In Paris, a man I thought I’d dated for a few weeks (he was adamant we were dating) told me, “You’re either having casual sex or in a relationship. That concludes the discussion “.. “Well, then, how did you know you wanted to be in a relationship with me?” I inquired. He burst out laughing. “We were in a relationship from the moment I saw your picture online and sent you a message. I ceased conversing with other females. I stopped sending them messages. I also invited you to join me on the Seine “..
This was something that my friends back home couldn’t get enough of. My male friends mocked me, while my female friends swooned. Yes, the guy had intended to serenade me along the Seine River on our first date. Because I misplaced my credit card and was two hours late, we decided to meet for wine and cheese instead. We did, however, take a romantic stroll together along a love lock bridge.
That relationship ended when the gentleman couldn’t communicate effectively with me and repeatedly kissed another woman at a party, knowing full well that if he did, I’d never take him back. I wept, became enraged, and then left Paris. I’m still thankful for the experience since it taught me about dating and what it wasn’t.