If you were dating a young widowed person (20’s-30’s), how would you want to find out?
There have been sporadic talks on r/widowers about finding new love after a loss. As someone who has been through it, I’m curious how things are going now. I had the eHarmony advice forums to bounce ideas off of when I was going through that process approximately 5 years ago. I figured I’d ask y’all on r/dating about it because they don’t exist anymore.
I re-entered the dating pool at the age of 35(M). I wanted to date (and get connected with) ladies in their late twenties to mid-thirties. I had a lot of luck securing first and second dates, but my luck ran out when my dates found out about my history. When I presented that bit of information, I received a lot of “poofing,” and a couple of women actually got up and departed the dinner table. (I never started those talks, and when my date did, I always tried to keep things lighthearted.) I treated my predicament as if it were just another aspect about myself. “I’m a kid at heart because I enjoy experimenting with new things… Before my first wife went away, I attended Capital University… I had a wonderful relationship with her
A wise elder acquaintance suggested that I update my profiles to reflect my current situation. That’s exactly what I did. My eHarmony profile reads like this:
Who in your life has had the largest impact on you? “She was my wife, and she was a great woman who died just over a year ago. I learnt how to truly love a woman, flaws and all, from her. I’ve experienced trials that few others have, and I’ve surmounted obstacles that were daunting at first but revealed a strength I didn’t know I possessed. I gained a sense of perspective, realizing that it’s all about the tiny stuff. And I recognize that each moment I spend sharing and laughing with people is a priceless gift.”
So, what went wrong? My response rate plummeted to an all-time low. Instead of receiving 5-7 responses each week, I only received one or two every week or two. Those who did answer, however, were far more emotional than those who had responded before I made the alteration. All of them grew closer to me. I’m still friends with them, and one of them is my husband.
So, what’s your suggestion, r/dating? What about dating a widower person scares you? What would calm those nerves? When do you want to be informed about this situation? Would you skim over my post-change profile, and if so, why do you think that is? Would you “poof” if you found out someone had been widowed?
Inquiring minds want to know more.