As you get older and gather life experiences, dating and attempting to find the appropriate match seems to become more difficult. Everyone you meet seems to be carrying extra luggage, which adds to the weight of your own. Almost everyone has experienced love and loss by the time they reach a certain age.
Normal dating etiquette, on the other hand, is thrown out the window when you meet and date someone who has been widowed. Everything you thought you understood about dating might not apply in this situation. When it comes to dating and romancing a widow, be prepared to learn a whole new set of rules.
Tips for Dating Someone Whose Spouse Died
It’s possible that you’ll fall head over heels in love with someone who has lost their spouse. When someone dies, it’s natural to focus on all of their positive characteristics. Even the worst husband becomes a saint in the widow’s eyes all of a sudden.
Some people believe that dating a widow puts too much pressure on them because it’s difficult to live up to that level and they don’t want to be compared to their deceased spouse. Keep reading for some eye-opening realities and advice on dating a widow if you’re a widow, considering dating a widow, or want to know how to aid your bereaved friend.
1. Have patience
One of the most difficult things for you to deal with as your relationship develops is your partner’s emotional ups and downs. Even if your relationship is doing well, your partner may still be mourning the loss of their marriage. Expect these emotional swings to last for several months into your partnership.
During special events, such as birthdays and holidays, your partner may experience lingering grief. Even if you don’t know how to soothe a bereaved spouse, you can express your love and support by being patient.
2. Be open to love
You may begin to believe that your partner is no longer in love with or interested in you when they are grieving over the loss of their marriage. It’s usual for a spouse to mourn their partner’s death for many years after they’ve passed away. Try not to take it personally if you feel the contrary.
The majority of people are unable to communicate their pain and sorrow. Because they don’t know how to cope with their loss or articulate their sadness, your partner may withdraw from you.
It’s beneficial to learn about important anniversary dates in your partner’s life with their spouse. On these dates, you can either give them space or gently suggest methods to make things better for them.
3. Have emotional understanding
Grief affects everyone differently. There are several types of grieving and methods in which people grieve the losses in their lives. It’s possible that you and your spouse have had a deep and loving relationship for months and then they have an emotional outburst out of nowhere.
This will most likely leave you upset and perplexed, as it may be difficult for you to comprehend how your partner is grieving. Allow them the time and space they require to process their feelings and emotions. You may gently recommend that they get treatment or join a widow support group, depending on the degree and duration of their outbursts.
4. Realize they carry the weight of their loss
When you’re dealing with feelings of inadequacy and dread, it’s possible that your partner is coping with similar concerns. It may be difficult to believe that your partner has the same concerns and insecurities as you.
They may believe that their emotional ups and downs are too much for you. They may also be afraid of losing to someone who is “normal” and does not come with this baggage.
These feelings and emotions are likely to surface during your relationship’s most intimate moments, exacerbating your feelings of being the replacement. Working through these situations will most likely be difficult. Recognize that your spouse is dealing with their own problems as they strive to recover from their loss while maintaining a fresh and healthy connection.
5. Know there’s room for you
Your partner could still love and be in love with their deceased spouse. It will take them some time to come to terms with their sadness and loss. In contrast to a divorce, your partner did not chose to leave their spouse or vice versa. There is no slandering or animosity amongst ex-partners. What you have to deal with now is the death of two people who may or may not have been madly in love.
Learn to embrace yourself instead of feeling animosity and worry over not being able to live up to their deceased spouse. Recognize the value you provide to the relationship, and most importantly, remember that your partner selected you as they progress in life. Recognize that they are capable of loving two individuals at the same time. There’s no way they can compete with their deceased husband.