widows and dating again

widows and dating again

Dating Tips for Widows and Widowers

This section of the book is included specifically for any widowers who may be reading it. It can be awkward to start dating again after the death of a spouse. It may cause the widow or widower to feel guilty or betrayed. It might also elicit feelings of bewilderment and anxiety among friends, family, and others who knew the departed spouse well.

Here are some dating recommendations for folks who have just lost a spouse and are eager to get back into the dating game.

Before dating again, there is no set duration of time to wait. Grief and the process of moving on are personal experiences for each person. Some people date for years, others for weeks, and still others never date again. Don’t let others tell you that you’re moving too quickly or waiting too long. Before you take that step, make sure it’s something you’re truly ready to try.

After my late wife died, I began dating five months later. Is it a little early? Some of my family and friends shared this viewpoint. But it took me five months to feel ready to at least try dating. And, despite the fact that it took a few dates for me to get the swing of things, I have no regrets about dating so young.

If you want to start dating again, take some time to figure out why you want to. It’s not improper to date if you’re lonely or looking for companionship. People who are single date for the same reasons. However, if you’re dating with the hopes of filling the emptiness left by the loss of a marriage, it’s not going to work. Dating allows you to open your heart to another person and experience the unique and exquisite thrill that comes with falling in love for the first time.

I felt like I was cheating on my late wife the first time I went out to supper with another woman. I was flooded with shame and betrayal as we walked into the restaurant. I kept gazing around the restaurant the entire time we were there, hoping to see if anyone I recognized was there. I assumed that if someone spotted me out with another woman, the first thing they’d do would be to hurry and inform my dead wife. It may sound foolish, but I couldn’t get rid of that feeling all evening. I went out with someone else a week later.

The same guilt sentiments were present, although they were not as strong. It took about five dates for the feeling to vanish completely, and I was finally able to enjoy the company of a woman without feeling bad.

Feelings of guilt should fade as you date, especially once you discover that special someone. You might not be ready to date again if your guilt hasn’t subsided. Take a break from dating and come back when you’re more prepared.

Unless you’re dating someone you’ve known before and who knows about your past marriage, he or she will naturally be curious about your former marriage. When you’re dating someone for the first time, it’s fine to bring up the subject of the spouse. Answer any inquiries he or she might have about your marriage, but don’t go on and on about the dead or how happy you were. After all, your date is the one who is present at the moment. And who knows, she might make you extremely happy for the rest of your life. Talking about the past all the time may give the impression that you’re not ready to move on and start a new relationship.

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