To the widow who feels old, out-of-touch, or uninterested in dating:
You’re not alone, and I’ve put up a few pointers just for you…
You’ve cried enough tears and grieved long enough to be twenty years old. You may be in your tenth or second year of widowhood, yet you feel ready to date. You miss him terribly, but you yearn for a husband, for a companion, for your Chapter 2.
It’s been a long time since you’ve had a date, and you’re getting older. Hand-holding, movie outings, and bear-hugging dates are what you’re looking for. You’re a single parent with a house that’s either too huge (or too little) for just one person.
You’re feeling a little down in the dumps.
Blind dates, online dating, speed dating, and even church have all failed you. And then there was nothing.
You’re in a sexual mood.
You’ve tried yoga, Planet Fitness, Home Owners Association meetings, and even rejoined grieving organizations in the hopes of running across a possible match – but nothing has worked.
You’ve been enraged.
As a five-year widow who has done her fair share of dating since his passing, I believe I can provide some dating advice, therefore I’ve compiled a list of ten dating recommendations for older widows to assist you on your dating adventure.
Tip 1: Be honest about your age.
Please don’t feel obligated to act like someone you’re not. You may appear to be a certain age, but you are not. Yes, lying about your age could increase your chances of securing a date. It’s not a good idea. You may think you’re young, sexy, and carefree, but you’re lying. What if your relationship blossoms and both of you fall in love? If you come clean, he will respect you more. Remember that honesty can make or break a relationship.
Tip 2: Try dating a widower.
Widowers may ‘get it’ much sooner than non-widowers. He’s been on the unwelcome journey before, so if you cry for your husband, he understands. If you leave his images up, he’ll most likely do the same. Don’t give up on dating if it doesn’t work. Keep in mind that widowers are people, too, and even if he isn’t THAT guy, you at least gave it a shot. Don’t be disappointed if it doesn’t work; it simply wasn’t meant to be. I dated one and had a great time with her. He heard my screams, felt my agony, and helped me get through some difficult days. Would a non-widower have been able to understand my anguish? Maybe not, but I felt very at ease in his presence. To some, we were the ‘cute pair,’ but I preferred my independence. Is there a chance I’d give him another chance? I certainly would…once I can break free from my selfish desires to be alone, when I can finally admit to myself that I’m ready for a long-term relationship, and, most importantly, when I can stop making excuses to run away because of my overall feelings of guilt for choosing someone other than my husband. My husband, on the other hand, would not have wanted it that way. He would have wished for me to be content. He wanted me to remarry before he died because he didn’t want me to be alone in life. I’ve dated a lot of non-widowers, but I’ve never had as much fun as I did with the sole widower who was interested in me. I was free to be myself, tears and all, and he accepted it all.
Do I want to date just widowers? They aren’t my first choice, but they are my second. Would I be disappointed if it didn’t work? Perhaps, but perhaps not. But I was disappointed when I was dating non-widowers, like the one who treated me like a rubber band and introduced me to his married customer, whom I befriended, only to discover he was having an affair with her (and the list goes on). Besides, I’m looking forward to hearing about a widow who married a widower in a future show.
Tip 3: Don’t be afraid to step outside of the box.
Do something out of the ordinary. You’re an adult who isn’t getting any younger… Find a dog sitter, and inform your adult children who are still living at home to find another house to mooch off of for the evening.
Tip 4: Don’t settle if you don’t have to.
Rather than settling, allow yourself to expand your knowledge by studying new topics. Don’t settle for a man who doesn’t care about your mental or spiritual well-being. The closest thing to sex is being able to empathize with someone through an educated, amusing, and mature conversation.
Tip 5: Date a younger guy.
So what if a younger guy is interested in you? He’s an adult if he’s old enough to buy wine. There’s nothing wrong with spending time with a young man. He’d be able to tell you about the hottest urban slang, the coolest emoji, and the newest Social Media app. And you might even be inspired to change your wardrobe to something a little more youthful, not slutty, but try adding new accessories or even wearing dresses instead of jeans, yoga pants, or slacks for a date. Try experimenting with your appearance and makeup, as well as viewing life through the eyes of a Millennial or Generation Xer (not necessarily changing yours but be an ear to theirs).